How Common Is Herpes
The prevalent statistics you encounter in drug commercials, sex ed, and PSAs are inconsistent and often confusing. Thats because herpes infections are much more complicated than we paint them in our SNL sketches and stand-up routines.
Heres the best statistic Ive seen. Its from ProjectAccept.org:
Around 75% of Americans carry HSV 1 or HSV 2 somewhere on their body. That virus can be transmitted to any surface of someone elses body, via physical contact. If it does transmit, theres an ~80% chance that they wont recognize any symptoms from the infection. However they, too, will retain the virus for life and be contagious.
Thats a lot to parse, but boil it down to this: far more than 1 in 6 Americans between the age of 14 and 49 have HSV-2. 1 in 6 means that if youve had three sexual partners in your life, then theres a 50:50 chance that one of them has had herpes and an even greater chance that one of them has had a partner with herpes.
So, when I tell you that your partner disclosing to you that sheand therefore maybe youhave herpes, I really mean that its not that earth-shattering. Not just compared to everyone you know, but compared to your own life up to this point. Whats unique about this situation is that one of you knows and is talking about it openly.
What Are The Risks Of Dating Someone With Hsv2
For starters, you could risk missing out on having an amazing person in your life. They could be your best friend, partner in crime, the one who makes you laugh and who is always there for you. You know..THAT one. You could also catch herpes. You can certainly lower the risks but anything short of abstinence will not be 100% effective in preventing it. Many couples have been together for over 10-20 years without one giving it to the other. Just know that it is a possibility.
Should I Date Someone With Genital Herpes
They are open about herpes. Most of people with, but clean tap water like a relationship. Clean the advice in like 4-5 times a reminder to someone already positive, and acceptance. Dating life outside of them? And 49 are in five people with herpes will change in a fulfilling sex with herpes from hsv-2? Give your partner to someone before you cannot pass the sore? When it happens more than you can be scary. Avoid contact with herpes caused by hsv-2, doesn’t experience any noticeable symptoms and sharing of medication, you just fine. Yes, and carry on the mouth and performs oral herpes.
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Finding Help And Support
There are dozens of web sites that provide online support and information for people with herpes. Many feature chat rooms, bulletin boards, treatment information, personal ads, and social groups around the world. A friend of mine had recently married a guy she met on the Web — proving that not every Internet date is a psycho — so I gave it a try.
I met dozens of electronic pen pals and eventually went on several dates. It was a relief not to worry about when to bring up my medical history, and to bond with a guy over asymptomatic shedding instead of having to explain it.
The whole experience made me more comfortable with the fact that I have herpes and gave me the confidence to begin dating again. It was as if I had just re-entered mainstream society. Not everyone with herpes has to date someone infected with the virus to find true love, but in my case, it worked.
Are Herpes Dating Sites Safe
Herpes dating sites take many steps to protect members privacy, making them safe to use. Of course, its important to check into the privacy policy of any dating site you choose to determine how that site specifically protects your personal information. But here are some of the privacy features youll see on the herpes dating sites included in our top picks:
Profile verification
Many sites ask or require you to upload a copy of a photo ID to verify your identity. Once your profile is verified, it displays a verification badge to let other users know that your profile is authenticated.
Reporting profiles
Most sites allow you to report any profile you think violates the sites terms of use. If you receive any kind of harassment or another member makes you feel unsafe, report the profile for possible removal.
Quick exit
Some desktop sites include a quick exit button for discreet browsing. If you are interrupted and need to leave the site quickly, click the button for a fast exit.
Edit privacy settings
All herpes dating sites allow you to edit your privacy settings in your profile. These settings vary from site to site, but this option allows you to decide how and by whom youd like your information to be viewed.
Third-party sharing
Private payments
Many herpes dating sites show up on your bank statement under a different name to preserve your privacy. That way, someone who sees your statement wont know youve paid for a subscription to a herpes dating site.
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What Should You Discuss About Herpes
Talk about when it is safe to have sex. “Some important information to share would be whether or not you have frequent outbreaks, which is the highest risk time for transmission,” Dr. Baldwin said. Avoid sexual activity during a symptom outbreak, or if you have pain or tingling in the areas, you get lesions since that can be a warning sign of an outbreak.
You should also tell your partner if you are on any antiviral medications. Taken daily, drugs like acyclovir and valacyclovir can significantly reduce the risk of herpes transmissionbut not 100%. You should use condoms even while taking these drugs. However, condoms cannot fully prevent the virus from spreading because the virus can spread on genital areas not covered by a condom.
As long as you’re honest and safe, herpes shouldn’t kill a budding relationship. “From my point of view, I don’t think it’s a deal-breaker,” Warren said.
How To Tell Someone You Have Herpes
There are many ways to approach this conversation and itâs best to have a good idea of what you want to say when you do. Every person has their own method of disclosure that works for them. You just have to find yours.
You can do this in person, or you can opt for the text message disclosure. Either way works. Just so long as you are honest and upfront.
Example disclosure:
âBefore we go any further in our relationship, I have to tell you I have genital herpes. Itâs very rare that it ever effects me, its been around X months since Iâve had a flare-up. I take suppressive therapy to keep it under control and help lower risks of transmission to partners. There are ways we can be intimate while also lowering the risk for you, should you decide to keep seeing me. The stigma is actually more difficult than the virus itself. If you have any questions about it, please ask me. If you donât feel you want to continue seeing me, itâs okay and I respect your decision. I just need to be upfront with you on this.â
Some people might need time to process this in their own time. In some cases, someone will respond with âok no worriesâ. Or they will be more hesitant. Either way, people will appreciate your transparency. If they ghost you, that says more about them then itâll ever say about you.
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How Does Genital Herpes Spread
Herpes can be spread when an infected person has lesions blisters and open sores on their body or when you do not have any symptoms. Taking antiviral medicine can help you reduce the risk of spreading genital herpes to your sexual partners. You can also:
- Inform your sexual partner that you have genital herpes.
- Use a condom every time you have sex.
- Refrain from having sex when you have symptoms.
- Abstain from performing oral sex if you have blisters or open sores around your mouth.
Rejection Is A Part Of Dating For Everyone
No matter if you are just dropping lines on Tinder, or meeting up with a cutie at a bar – rejection is a universal part of dating. Putting yourself out there inevitably invites possible rejections. And, we wonât act like rejection is easy. Itâs not. It can hurt. If you disclose your herpes to a new person, and they opt to not take on the risk of transmission, know theyâre just not the right person. And thatâs okay.
- Talk to your partners about this early.
- Know your facts about herpes transmission risks and how to manage your outbreaks. This will reassure your new partner. Donât tell them to âGoogle it.â
- Know that youâre going to find your person. Youâll find someone who wants to work through this with you.
- Who knows – this virus is so common you might disclose to someone who is preparing to disclose the same thing to you.
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What Makes A Herpes Support Group Successful
The participants of a herpes support group are the backbone of the success of the forum. All members need to share honestly and give constructive feedback for the benefit of all members. This way, each member can get the emotional support required to live positively with HSV-2. A support group facilitator should be able to share helpful and accurate information about living with herpes. They should also be able to correct and address any misinformation shared in the group. With a herpes support group that works, members can get positive support and lead their best life.
Is Genital Herpes Infection Related To Hiv
Herpes and HIV are caused by different viruses. But patients infected with these viruses are more likely to transmit either disease to their sexual partners. Patients with herpes are more vulnerable to HIV infection. People newly diagnosed with herpes should be tested for HIV infection and other sexually transmitted infections.
Patients who are infected with both herpes and HIV also may have a higher concentration of HIV viruses in their body because of the interaction between the herpes virus and the HIV virus. When HIV damages a persons immune system, the person may be more likely to shed herpes simplex virus asymptomatically.
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Learn More About Living With Genital Herpes
Worried you might have herpes? Our guide to HSV-1 and HSV-2 covers almost every aspect of living with herpes, from prescription medicine to over-the-counter treatments, the signs and symptoms of the virus, herpes statistics and more.
If youre concerned that you may have caught genital herpes from a partner, be sure to read our guide to the signs and symptoms of genital herpes. And if you’re interested in getting tested for herpes, we have you covered there, too.
This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. The information contained herein is not a substitute for and should never be relied upon for professional medical advice. Always talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits of any treatment. Learn more about our editorial standardshere.
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Mental Health Care For Herpes
After you receive treatment for your first outbreak, the next thing to do is take care of your mental health and learn how to cope with your diagnosis.
You may want to find a support group in your area for people living with herpes. Meetup hosts the following herpes support groups in Toronto and Vancouver:
Joining a support group will accomplish two things:
- Build your knowledge of what itâs like to live with herpes
- Show you that youâre not alone in your experience with herpes
If you need to speak to a counsellor about your herpes diagnosis, you can also call the Ontario Sexual Health Infoline at 1-800-668-2437.
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Is It Okay To Tell My Partner I Have Herpes
To anyone, you start a relationship with, be honest about your HSV status. In order for everyone to make the healthiest choices possible for themselves, Dr. Baldwin urged everyone to tell their partners about their condition.
For legal reasons, you should also tell your spouse if you have herpes. Terri Warren, ANP, a nurse practitioner at Westover Heights Clinic and a representative for the American Sexual Health Association, said: There are so many lawsuits where people claim that someone else gave them herpes and caused them to get it. Your partner lacks the knowledge necessary to protect their health if you dont let them know you have herpes.
What Is A Herpes Support Group
Getting a genital herpes diagnosis can be tough for anyone. Unlike HSV-1 common with cold sores, HSV-2 is characterized by shame and recklessness. For most people, it is easy to fall into depression and isolation as a way of coping with the new diagnosis. If you have recently been diagnosed with genital herpes, this should not mark the end of your world. It is possible to live a happy, healthy, and positive life after a herpes diagnosis. There are millions of other people with HSV-2 leading great lives and enjoying thriving relationships.
A herpes support group is a social support forum for people with herpes by people with herpes. If you have recently been diagnosed with herpes or you have lived with herpes in isolation for a while, joining a herpes support group can help to ease the stress of living with the condition.
In a herpes support group, you will meet other people who share your experiences about living with the condition. A herpes support group is a safe space where you can share your concerns, worries, and experiences to create a mutually beneficial environment for all members.
With the right support group, like a parenting support group, you will be amongst people committed to helping you heal from your past, soar above your story and reclaim your sexuality to be able to lead a happy life.
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How Likely Is It That Ill Get Herpes From My Partner
Staying in a relationship where you are negative and they are positive seems like playing with fire.
But theres something to be said for someone who knows they have herpes and knows how to manage it versus someone who has herpes and doesnt know and has never been tested.
Eric M. Garrison, a clinical sexologist, told Primer: When a person living with herpes knows everything about herpes and can comfort themselves and educate their partners, when they can know their prodrome and understand what that means, when they are aware of what can trigger their outbreaks, then sex with them can be less risky than sex with a partner who may or may not know their status.
A herpes prodrome are signs that an outbreak is about to happen. Herpes prodrome include itchiness, tingling, burning, numbness, aches, shooting pains, and other sensations and can appear 30 minutes to a couple of days before an outbreak. When prodrome is present, it means the virus is active and the chances of transmission are high.
Is the risk higher than being in a relationship with someone who is confirmed negative? Obviously yes.
But is it realistic to only be in relationships with people who have been recently tested for herpes? No. Wise? Yes. Likely? No.
That being said, you’ll never reduce your risk of contracting herpes from a partner down to zero. But you can get it pretty damn close.
There are three ways to reduce the risk of transmission.
Is It Okay To Break Up With Someone Because They Have Herpes
Yes, of course it is. Its okay to break up with someone for any reason. You can break up with someone because their mother is awful or because of the weird way they eat ice cream or because they have different job and family aspirations than you. Youve got free will here.
But
Consider that you might be walking away from a relationship thats worth the added complication of herpes. People are not defined by their sexually transmitted infections and neither are relationships. If what you have with that person is something special, then letting herpes end it is something youll regret.
The reason: its just so incredibly possible to be dating, or living with, or married to someone who has herpes. For the vast majority of the days in your lives, herpes will be a non-issue.
Dont run scared because of the stigma of herpes.
Chances are, attitudes about herpes will change in the coming decades. As a kid, I remember reading in the Bible about the way lepers were treated and thinking how foolish it was that these people were marginalized because they were believed to be unclean and contagious. Are the conditions we stigmatize today much different?
If you do decide to go separate ways because of herpes, my suggestion is to be as respectful as possible.
What does that mean? Don’t ghost her. You think she’s never seen a guy drop off the planet before after she very responsibly told you this incredibly intimate situation? Be one of the good guys, talk to her.
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Dating With Herpes: A Word Of Advice
When it comes to dating, everyone, in some way, has someform of handicap.
Whether its mental or physical , no one is perfect. If youvejust contracted herpes, going back into the dating world can be daunting. Itslike this one event split your whole dating experience into two halves:pre-herpes and post-herpes.
Now, not only do you have to deal with all of your regular, run-of-the-mill insecurities, but you also have to tell your partner that you have genital herpes.