How Can I Prevent Giving Genital Herpes To My Partner
You can reduce the risk of passing the herpes virus to your sexual partners by taking the following steps:
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Tell current sexual partners that you have genital herpes. You also should tell future partners before having sexual contact.
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Be alert to the symptoms that signal an outbreak is coming. Avoid sexual contact from the time you feel symptoms until a few days after the sores have gone away.
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Wash your hands with soap and water after any possible contact with sores.
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Take antiviral medication on a daily basis .
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Use male latex condoms.
Its also important to know that you can pass HSV to someone else even when you do not have sores . The virus can be present on skin that looks normal, including right before and after an outbreak.
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How Is Herpes Transmitted
The transmission rate of Herpes is extremely high when an infected person has an outbreak at the time of sexual activity, however it is still possible to transmit the infection whilst there are no symptoms, usually just before or after an outbreak which will begin with a tingling sensation around the infected area.
Genital herpes is much less infectious if all of the sores on the skin have fully healed and there are no signs of an outbreak. Therefore, it is possible to have herpes and not give it to your partner, particularly if you have not had an outbreak for a substantial amount of time.
Not Telling Your Partner That You Have A Sexually Transmitted Infection Is Not Only Uncool It’s Not Fair
I performed oral sex a couple of times on my boyfriend, which in itself isnt a big deal, except that I carry the herpes simplex virus 1 and 2 and I havent told him. We also had vaginal sex. I didnt have an outbreak at the time and there were no blisters on my mouth or genitals at the time. Still, I feel so badly for not telling him. Should he be tested? And how can I talk to him about it?Signed, Feeling Bad
Genital herpes type 1 can be transmitted through oral-to-oral contact, like kissing or sharing a toothbrush, and herpes type 2 can be acquired by having unprotected sex with someone who already has it. And although its rare, the virus can also be activated after having hyaluronic acid filler lip injections , usually within 24 to 48 hours after the procedure. Herpes is most contagious when there is an outbreak, but it can also be passed to your partner even if there are no visible symptoms. With treatment, herpes can be managed, but not cured.
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What Complications Are Connected With An Untreated Genital Herpes Infection
Just as there are health risks associated with untreated chlamydia in men and women, there are also risks connected with untreated herpesâeven in asymptomatic patients. Not only does the infection increase your likelihood of contracting and transmitting other STDs, but it can also lead to:
- Difficulty urinating, due to inflammation of the urethra
- Infections in newborns exposed to the virus during a vaginal birth, which can severely harm the childâs health
- Rectal inflammation , especially in men who have sex with men
The best way to avoid these complications is to practice safe sex and routinely screen for STDs. You can conveniently check for 6 common STDs like chlamydia, gonorrhea, hepatitis C, HIV, syphilis, and trichomoniasis from the privacy of your home with the Everlywell STD Test for men and women.
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How Is Genital Herpes Spread
- Saliva from a partner with an oral herpes infection
- Genital fluids from a partner with a genital herpes infection
- Skin in the oral area of a partner with oral herpes or
- Skin in the genital area of a partner with genital herpes.
You also can get genital herpes from a sex partner who does not have a visible sore or is unaware of their infection. It is also possible to get genital herpes if you receive oral sex from a partner with oral herpes.
You will not get herpes from toilet seats, bedding, or swimming pools. You also will not get it from touching objects, such as silverware, soap, or towels.
If you have more questions about herpes, consider discussing your concerns with a healthcare provider.
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Tell Them Directly But Not With An Apology
Pretend youre in your partners shoes. Of the following two sentences, which would you rather hear come out of your mouth?
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Im terribly sorry to tell you this, and I know its going to be a major blow to us and our future together, but I have genital herpes.
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I need to let you know something. I have herpes. We can still have a relationship and it isnt a major problem, but I thought you should know before we went any further.
Obviously, most people would prefer to hear the second sentence. When you let your partner or person of interest know that you have herpes, its important to frame it accurately. Herpes isnt a big deal its an easy virus to deal with and while genital sores are an inconvenience, there’s no real need for negativity.
The first response which, unfortunately, is what a lot of people with herpes may sound like as a result of negativity and nervousness treats the virus far more seriously than it should, adding a negative connotation to a statement that definitely doesnt warrant it.
It also begins with an apology, something you dont need to make. Youve done nothing wrong by having genital herpes. Theres no need to apologize for your infection status. Instead, get the point across openly, honestly and directly to your partner.
Dont Let Fear Stop You From Telling Your Partner
While being a little afraid to tell your partner is completely normal, you cant let this fear prevent you from telling them. You know that a herpes diagnosis is not a huge deal, so prepare yourself with the information and statistics you will need to tell them in the most clear and informed way possible. Most likely, your partner will respect your honesty and it will set the foundation for a deeper, more trusting relationship. However, if things go terribly and they cant cope, its not the end of the world. You deserve someone who loves you, all of you, for exactly who you are.
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How To Reduce The Risk Of Spreading Herpes
There are ways to lower the risk of spreading HSV-1 to your partner. If you have an active outbreak, avoid letting the affected area touch your partners skin. Concerned about transmitting the virus when no symptoms are present? Using a protective barrier like a condom or dental dam can reduce the risk.
Myth: Herpes Can Be Transmitted Through The Blood
Herpes cannot be transmitted through the blood, though it can be detected through a blood test.
In fact, people with a history of herpes simplex virus type 1 or 2 can safely donate blood as long as:
- All lesions and infected cold sores are dry and healed
- They wait at least 48 hours after finishing a round of antiviral treatment
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Can Genital Herpes Be Prevented
The only way to prevent genital herpes and other STDs is abstinence. This means not having sex . If someone decides to have sex, using a latex condom every time can prevent most STDs.
But condoms can’t always prevent the spread of genital herpes. This is because the virus may be in the skin near the genitals .
People also can lower their risk of getting an STD by:
- getting tested with any new partners before having sex
- only having sex with one partner
People who are sexually active should get tested for STDs every year or more often if recommended by their health care provider. To find a testing site near you, visit the CDC’s National HIV and STD Testing Resources.
Myth: People With Herpes Wear Condoms Forever In Long
If youre in a long-term, monogamous relationship and your partner is aware of your herpes infection, you may have a conversation discussing the benefits and risks of sex without a condom.
Though theres always the risk of infection, some couples decide to strategically employ precautions that keep them as safe as possible. Such precautions include:
- Never having sex during an active herpes outbreak
- Using antiviral medications
- Using a dental dam
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How Do People Get Genital Herpes
People can get infected with genital herpes when the virus comes into contact with a break in the skin in or around the mouth or genital area. This can happen when:
- They receive oral sex from a partner who has oral herpes .
- They touch a herpes sore and then touch their own genitals.
- Their genitals touch the skin in the genital area of someone who is infected .
Genital herpes can spread even if there are no sores because the virus is still in the body. The virus can be in the skin near the genitals and infect another person during sexual contact.
Myth #: You Can Only Contract Herpes From Someone Who Has Symptoms
Hawkins tells me theres a phenomenon in herpes called asymptomatic shedding, where an infected individual can transmit the virus without having an active outbreak. What makes this even trickier is that some people with herpes never have noticeable symptoms and yet they may still be contagious. Its actually a really interesting virus, because you can transmit herpes even though you dont have any symptoms or outbreaks, says Hawkins.
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Let Your Partner Think Before Making A Decision
People can react differently to hearing that you have genital herpes. Sometimes, you might be surprised to discover that the person youre coming out to also has herpes, and was dreading the prospect of sharing their status with you.
Sometimes, your partner might be well informed about herpes and willing to take a test to check if they also have the virus before having a relationship. Some people might simply not care and feel comfortable having a relationship with you even knowing about your HSV-2 status.
On the other hand, some people even people who might have been highly interested in you might not feel comfortable having a sexual or romantic relationship after finding out about your genital herpes. The reasons can differ, but for many people, any STD is a hard no.
The key point here is that you cant expect everyone to react the same way. One way to make it easier for your partner is to give them time. Suggest that they take a day or two to think about it before contacting you to see how they feel.
If someone is seriously interested in you, they might want to take a day or two to research the facts about herpes before giving you a yes. Or, they could just need an hour to double-check the data before inviting you back over for a cup of coffee.
Get Informed About Genital Herpes
Educate yourself about genital herpes. Youâll find out that itâs not as serious as it may seem, and that couples can and do have wonderful, sexually fulfilling relationships, even if one partner has genital herpes.
Sometimes, people in long-term relationships suspect that their partner has been cheating when they are diagnosed. Thatâs not necessarily true â your partner could have been infected years or decades before you met.
Also, consider the possibility that you gave your partner herpes. Millions of people live with genital herpes without having a clue that theyâre infected. In fact, health experts estimate that 90% of those who are infected in the United States donât know it. A herpes infection doesnât always cause obvious sores on the genitals. In many cases, it causes no noticeable symptoms at all. The CDC says that testing sex partners of people with herpes might be useful even if they have no symptoms. If you are pregnant and think that you or your partner have herpes, talk to your doctor about testing. Herpes infections can be life-threatening in babies.
SOURCES: Centers for Disease Control. Fleming, et al. The New England Journal of Medicine, Oct. 16, 1997. The American Social Health Associationâs National Herpes Resource Center. Warren, T. and Warren, R. The Updated Herpes Handbook. Portland Press, 2002.
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Preparing For The Discussion
How Effective Is Suppressive Therapy
Studies have proven that continuous suppressive antiviral therapy for herpes can dramatically reduce the frequency of herpes outbreaks or prevent them all together and reduces the risk of transmission by 50%.
For example, a very large study found that people who had an average of over 12 herpes occurrences a year, could reduce the frequency of their herpes outbreaks to less than two a year after one year of continuous suppressive therapy.
The study also showed that if recurrences do occur during suppressive therapy, they are usually less severe and shorter lasting.
I didnt want to take any drugs, so I tried natural therapies. These didnt work. I now take aciclovir 400mg twice a day and have not had any outbreaks since. If your outbreaks are frequent, I really recommend it. MK
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What Else Should I Know
Genital herpes is a lifelong condition, but there are ways to manage it. If you have genital herpes:
- Take medicines to stop outbreaks or make them less frequent and less severe.
- Help reduce the risk of spreading genital herpes to others by taking medicines, always using a condom during sex, and avoiding sex during outbreaks.
Preparing To Tell Your Partner
You may feel comfortable with being able to express myself to potential partners. Coming out as herpes positive can feel stressful and difficult, especially when its directed at a person you care about and with whom youd like a romantic or sexual future. Luckily, its rarely as big a deal as people make it out to bein practice, it usually goes very smoothly.
When youre comfortable, that comes across. This attitude can be incredibly reassuring to your love interest.If you arent comfortable with yourself, that will come across too your nerves or insecurity could make them nervous.
Make note of the key points you want to include and practice the script a few times in front of the mirror or a close friend until you feel comfortable talking about. The more you are prepared, the easier telling him that you have herpes is going to be.
Following are some of the basic facts about herpes that might be important points to tell a partner. There is a lot more information about herpes. Have educational materials on hand for your partner.
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Tell Your Partner About Your Herpes Without Delay But Not Too Early
It is important thing for you and your partner, he or she has the right to know it. Whether you choose a long walk or a dinner is not important, but the absence of sexual contact is. The discussion should take place where sexual contact is unlikely to follow the discussion. Do not delay. Tell your partner in the right time. educate your partner on an equal basis make it a shared experience.
Try your best to stay in control of the situation. You have some medical facts to discuss and some plans for avoiding transmission. You will want to tell your partner that this is something he or she is being entrusted with because you feel that the relationship is worthy of it and you sense that sexual involvement may soon develop.
Tips For Disclosing Prior Or During Sexual Activity
So what if your connection with someone has taken on a life of its own and you are now, somehow, in bed with your partnerand you havent disclosed yet? This isnt supposed to happen, you think to yourself.
While its not how we should discuss our sexual health in an ideal world, it is a reality for many folks. Youre afraid. You wait too long. You get carried away. Lips are kissed, buttons are undone, and you know the rest.
“The truth of the matter is, we can never really predict exactly how a person will react. “
As difficult as it may be, try to take a deep breath and remove yourself from the immediate situation. Maybe that means taking a trip to the bathroom or going to grab a glass of water. Now youre in a position, whether youre comfortable or not, to tell your partner why you removed yourself from the interaction. It wasnt their breath, or the way they were moving. It was what you neglected to tell them for consent to occur. Honesty is especially key in these moments if you want the chance to build trust.
Take a calming breath, and say something like, It wasnt anything that you were doing. Its what I didnt do. I have genital herpes, and I was too afraid to tell you. Im not having an outbreak, but theres still a chance you could contract it, even though it’s pretty low. Then you can offer information about your specific STI, how you both can take steps to reduce the risk of transmission, how to get tested, and symptoms to watch for.
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