Be Confident When You Speak
Its essential to be clear and confident, and you shouldnt minimize your infection. Its critical not to use overly negative words and to avoid telling someone, Ive got some bad news, or there wont be a freak out. Since this sets the wrong tone, the best thing you can do is tell someone not to freak out. The best way to begin this conversation is by saying, I have an infection causing genital herpes.
When Your Partner Has Herpes
What do you do if its not you with herpes but your partner? Hearing the news may throw you for a bit of a loop. If youre worried or upset, thats understandable. However, try not to take it out on the person who told you. Being open and honest about a herpes diagnosis isnt an easy thing to do.
Its quite possible youve already dated people who had the virus. You may already have it yourself. The majority of people with herpes have no idea they are infected.
Its your choice whether you want to keep dating someone after learning of their herpes diagnosis. Dating someone who knows theyre infected, at least gives you the option of intentionally managing your risk.
How To Reduce The Risk Of Spreading Herpes
There are ways to lower the risk of spreading HSV-1 to your partner. If you have an active outbreak, avoid letting the affected area touch your partners skin. Concerned about transmitting the virus when no symptoms are present? Using a protective barrier like a condom or dental dam can reduce the risk.
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Exclusively Herpes Dating Sites From Positivesingles
If you prefer a dating site that focuses only on herpes-positive daters, you can check out H Date. Its run by PositiveSingles, costs the same, and has the same amenities and dating pool. Meanwhile, Meet People With Herpes is yet another herpes dating site run by SuccessfulMatch, the parent company of you guessed it PositiveSingles. Neither of these herpes dating sites made our top recommendations in this guide, but feel free to take a look if you want a more herpes-specific experience.
When Is The Time Right To Tell
Remember that dating is about whats right for you, too. Youre allowed to use time spent dating to consider whether youre interested in the other person.
Your health is personal, so you want to have an idea that the person is trustworthy. This is upholding your own boundaries and self-worth.
Taking things slow could actually be a valuable lesson gained from a herpes diagnosis. Dating is a discovery process, and youre still seeing if theres anything there. You might see some red flags, or find that theres not enough of a spark after all.
Its when its working out, and mutual, that you respect their boundaries and tell them. When you do tell, they should be understanding as long as you didnt put them at any kind of risk.
Still, peoples opinions vary about exactly when to tell.
Some people use hard and fast rules. For example, some people who have herpes believe you should tell by the third date.
Just remember that above all its a compromise between your own comfort and boundaries and theirs.
Ultimately, it should be before youre thinking about being exclusive, before you become intimate, and before the other person is emotionally invested. They should like you and be interested! But not in so deep that it would come as a shock.
Most obviously, it should be before clothes are coming off.
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Herpes Disclosure Is Necessary
Although it can seem overwhelming to do, telling partners about a genital herpes diagnosis is necessary. Although the risk can be managed, the fact remains that there is always a risk of giving it to your partner. Although herpes seems blown out of proportion in the public eye compared to what it really is, partners should still be informed.
Herpesyl is a 100% natural blend that targets and eliminates herpes virus in the body.
Positive Singles is a safe, supportive community to meet others with HSV! Dating profiles, blogs, support groups, and active discussion. Avoid the awkward herpes talk.
Fortunately, things like antiviral medication and condom use can mitigate that risk. Antivirals and condom use can bring the rate of transmission rates by 75%, according to studies done by Valtrex . And according to the CDC, 1 in every 6 Americans between 14 and 49 has genital herpes .
Those are just two research-backed talking points you can use in your discussion about a herpes diagnosis. Combine factual information like this with a calm mindset to make your talk go well, using the pointers below.
How To Talk To Partners About Your Herpes Diagnosis
Telling a partner or potential partner that you have herpes can be nerve-wracking, but its best to do early on so you can weed out people who have a problem with it, says Stephen Snyder, M.D., sex therapist and author of Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship. You need and deserve the acceptance that only someone who’s truly comfortable with it can give. So, best to advise a potential partner of your herpes status before you fall in love with them, he says. Also, best to tell them before too many articles of clothing get removed. After all, you don’t want anyone to feel pressured or uncomfortable.
Some people may even mention that they have herpes in their online dating profile to weed out people who are uncomfortable with it right away.
That said, you dont need to tell all your dates about your STI status immediately, if thats stressful for you. Snyder recommends bringing it up by the second or third date, or whenever sex is on the table.
Its helpful to provide a prospective partner with as many details as possible, including how often you have outbreaks, what you do for treatment or prevention, and what your preferences are regarding barriers, says Snyder. Have a starter script prepared. Something like, I need you to know: I have the virus that causes genital herpes.”
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Tips For Telling Someone You Have Genital Herpes
How Do I Take Suppressive Therapy
There are two oral antivirals available for suppressive treatment in New Zealand:
- Aciclovir tablets 400mg taken twice daily, morning and night. If you start suppressive therapy, it is important not to miss any doses and to take it regularly at approximately 12 hourly intervals. If your recurrences are not suppressed by this dose, you should discuss this with your doctor as taking 200mg four times a day may be more effective. Aciclovir is also available in a soluble form if you are unable to swallow tablets.
- Valtrex tablets 500mg taken once a day. People who find aciclovir isnt working in treating problematic recurrent herpes can now access Valtrex by fully subsidised prescription from their doctor through a Special Authority application. This is a new generation antiviral with better absorption.
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How Will A Partner React
Some may overreact. Some wont bat an eye. Since many people have genital herpes or have heard about it, many people wont be shocked or surprised. From the stories that weve heard at the Herpes Resource Center, most people will react well, and will appreciate your honesty and respect for the relationship and their wellbeing. While a negative reaction is possible, this doesnt necessarily mean a bad ending. If that person values you as an individual and is interested in a relationship, something as minor as herpes shouldnt stand in the way. If it does, then that person obviously wasnt a good fit in the first place.
Whatever happens, try to be flexible. Give your partner time to respond, think about what youve said and absorb the information. Remember when you first found out? It took you time to adjust, too.
You dont have to be overly concerned about protecting a partners feelings. And, you may want to reconsider a relationship where you have to do all the emotional work. A safer sex discussion might help you find out if this partner is a good candidate for your love and attention.
A few people are going to react negatively. It wont matter what you say or how you say it. Remember, these people are the exception not the rule. If a partner decides not to pursue a relationship with you because you have herpes, it is best to know this now. There are many people who will be attracted to you for who you arewith or without herpes.
Is There Any Time For Sharing This Topic
Yes, like everything, you also have to plan certain things here. Also, never try to share your raise the topic of herpes in the first meeting as this is not recommendable. Then when should you speak about this? You are not being asked to hold on to this secret all your life or when things are out of track. First, build your relationship and then fix a date where you are ready to open up with the thought. Comes the hardest portion of the story, i.e., sharing about herpes with your partner!
Begin with the conversation without any hesitation. It would be great if you share the intensity of the situation by using words like I want to share something with you Explain herpes and your condition wisely and let them have some time to understand the situation. Dont expect an immediate response or answer.
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Can I Date With Herpes
The answer is a resounding yes! There are no reasons you should feel like your romantic life is over just because you have herpes. Whether or not you want to or can date people who dont have herpes is going to be something for you to decide, and it is something we will address directly further on in this guide.
The bottom line takeaway from here, though, is that you can 100% date with herpes.
What Do I Do If I Find Out I Have Herpes
Its normal to have lots of different feelings after you find out that you have herpes. You might feel mad, embarrassed, ashamed, or upset at first. But youll probably feel a lot better as time goes by, and you see that having herpes doesnt have to be a big deal. People with herpes have relationships and live totally normal lives. There are treatments for herpes, and theres a lot you can do to make sure you dont give herpes to anyone you have sex with.
Millions and millions of people have herpes youre definitely not alone. Most people get at least one STD in their lifetime, and having herpes or another STD is nothing to feel ashamed of or embarrassed about. It doesnt mean youre dirty or a bad person it means youre a normal human who got a really common infection. The reality is that herpes can happen to anybody who has ever been kissed on the lips or had sex thats a LOT of people.
Herpes isnt deadly and it usually doesnt cause any serious health problems. While herpes outbreaks can be annoying and painful, the first flare-up is usually the worst. For many people, outbreaks happen less over time and may eventually stop completely. Even though the virus hangs around in your body for life, it doesnt mean youll be getting sores all the time.
And tell anyone you have sex with that you have herpes. Its not the easiest conversation, but its an important one. Here are some tips:
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Can I Date People Without Herpes If I Am Positive
Yes, you can date people who dont have herpes if you have a positive diagnosis. There are absolutely going to be people who are not comfortable with it, and that is okay. A lot of your success will depend on how you approach the situations, how transparent and communicative you are, and the types of singles youre looking for. Well get into all of that and how to do it better later on in this guide.
What Are The Pros And Cons Of Herpes Dating Sites
Finding an exclusive online community of those also living with herpes can impact your dating life. We reached out to matchmaker and relationship expert Sameera Sullivan of Sameera Sullivan Matchmakers who tells us that a herpes dating site is a haven that provides people with STDs a chance to interact with people who are going through something similar. It is a great way to feel less isolated.
Here are a few pros and cons to using these sites:
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Voicing A Few Tips On How To Start A Conversation:
Lets make your point of view clear. To begin, lets review the basics. Its essential to understand what herpes is, how it spreads, and how to protect yourself from it. Your partner is not too familiar with it, so explain it clearly to avoid confusion. To reassure them, you need to answer questions confidently. Here are a few things to get you started if youre uncertain about anything about genital herpes. Before you begin any conversation, make sure you are tested. When you have symptoms, consult a doctor or a sexual health clinic. He will try you, explain the infection, and give you suggestions about approaching your partner.
What To Do When Youre Diagnosed With Herpes
It can be shocking to hear the word herpes in the doctors office. If youre caught off guard or overwhelmed, you may not register what your medical provider is telling you, says Dr. Navya Mysore, family doctor and primary care provider.
Mysore says genital herpes can be caused by HSV-1 or HSV-2. HSV-1 is most commonly related to cold sores, which a large amount of the population have. However, HSV-1 can also be the virus that causes genital herpes and HSV-2 can be the virus that gives you cold sores, she says.
While at the doctors office, dont be afraid to ask all the questions you may have, and make sure you ask for clarification if you dont understand something.
there is no cure for herpes , sexual health expert Dr. Bobby Lazzara says you can manage it enough to reduce the number of outbreaks and minimize the risk of transmission to future sexual partners.
He says herpes outbreak prevention may involve taking a once- or twice-daily antiviral medication, and the treatment of active outbreaks involves topical treatment, an antiviral medication, and sometimes a painkiller. Maintaining a consistent medication schedule is key to successfully managing herpes and preventing active outbreaks, he explains.
Between your appointments, create a list of questions you have about your diagnosis. That way you wont forget anything.
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Put The Diagnosis In Perspective
Couple it with the data they need to put it in perspective. Tell them the herpes statistics, what herpes is, and perhaps relate a little about how it affects you personally.
For example: Are you one of the lucky ones who has never had an outbreak? Or do you now have symptoms only rarely, or even never, after managing or stopping your outbreaks? What if you only have outbreaks somewhere unusual, like your lower back ? Even if you do have frequent outbreaks, do you take care to know the signs one is coming on and take care of your health in general? Then by all means, include this more flattering information!
Not Such a Huge Deal: Heres a way to put it in perspective: You could mention that there are several types of herpes viruses: chicken pox, cold sores, genital herpes, and shingles. They might realize that its stigmatized yet not life-threatening or really even all that scary. Just about everyone gets chicken pox, and the majority contract oral herpes in their lifetime.
It Happens to the Best of Us: You dont need to tell this new person anything about how you came to contract herpes, or defend your past to them. But if you think it helps to let them know some face-saving circumstance, use your discretion and gauge your trust in this person and the intimacy level. Sometimes mentioning that its possible to contract herpes even if you always use condoms is adequate.