What Can We Do To Reduce My Chances Of Getting The Herpes Infection
If you take the necessary precautions, the chances of getting the herpes virus from your partner are reduced. Genital herpes does not mean abstinence from sex or a reduced enjoyment of sex.
The risk of transmitting the herpes virus can be reduced by about 50% if you use condoms. The continued use of condoms in a long-term relationship is a personal decision that only the couple can make. Most find that as the importance of the HSV infection in their relationship is seen in perspective, that condom use becomes less relevant if this is the only reason condoms are being used.
However, most couples choose to avoid genital skin-to-skin contact during an active episode of herpes because this is when the herpes virus is most readily transmitted. This period includes the time from when your partner first has warning signs of an outbreak, such as a tingling or burning in the genitals, until the last of the sores has healed. Also, sexual activity prolongs the healing of the episode.
Herpes transmission risk is increased if there are any breaks in the skin. For example, if you have thrush or small abrasions from sexual intercourse, often due to insufficient lubrication. It can be helpful to use a lubricant specifically for sexual intercourse and avoid sex if you have thrush. A sexual lubricant is helpful right at the start of sexual activity.
If you or your partner has a cold sore, it is advisable to avoid oral sex as this can spread the herpes virus to the genitals.
What To Do When Youre Diagnosed With Herpes
It can be shocking to hear the word herpes in the doctors office. If youre caught off guard or overwhelmed, you may not register what your medical provider is telling you, says Dr. Navya Mysore, family doctor and primary care provider.
Mysore says genital herpes can be caused by HSV-1 or HSV-2. HSV-1 is most commonly related to cold sores, which a large amount of the population have. However, HSV-1 can also be the virus that causes genital herpes and HSV-2 can be the virus that gives you cold sores, she says.
While at the doctors office, dont be afraid to ask all the questions you may have, and make sure you ask for clarification if you dont understand something.
there is no cure for herpes , sexual health expert Dr. Bobby Lazzara says you can manage it enough to reduce the number of outbreaks and minimize the risk of transmission to future sexual partners.
He says herpes outbreak prevention may involve taking a once- or twice-daily antiviral medication, and the treatment of active outbreaks involves topical treatment, an antiviral medication, and sometimes a painkiller. Maintaining a consistent medication schedule is key to successfully managing herpes and preventing active outbreaks, he explains.
Between your appointments, create a list of questions you have about your diagnosis. That way you wont forget anything.
Realistic And Unrealistic Expectations
People may just need a little time to assimilate the information. This is where having well-written information helps. Consider giving them reading the material or referring them to a Sexual Health Centre, the Herpes Helpline: 0508 11 12 13 or the herpes website www.herpes.org.nz, to verify the information youve given them.
Whatever the reaction, try to be flexible. Remember that it took you time to adjust as well.
Negative reactions are often no more than the result of misinformation. In some cases, they are brought on when a person fears that youre asking them to commit to a relationship, instead of just informing them of the situation. If your partner decides not to pursue a relationship with you simply because you have herpes, its better to find out now. It takes a lot more than the occasional aggravation of herpes to destroy a sound relationship.
Some people react negatively no matter what you say or how you say it. Others might focus more energy on herpes than on the relationship. These people are the exception, not the rule. This is not a reflection on you. You are not responsible for their reaction. If your partner is unable to accept the facts about herpes, encourage him or her to speak with a medical expert or counsellor.
All relationships face challenges, most far tougher than herpes. Good relationships stand and fall on far more important issues including communication, respect and trust.
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What It’s Like To Date Someone With Herpes
So the person you like just told you they have herpes. Youre thinking should I date them? What does this mean for me? Hows this going to play into our dating and sex life?
Ok so first let me calm you down and let you know what it feels like when youre first diagnosed with herpes. Seriously, dating or being able to date is the number one fear. We think that nobody will date us and that our life is over! The fear of rejection is a real thing and so telling the person we like that we have herpes is really scary.
So firstly before you make an decisions I want to make sure youre aware that the person youre dating really respects you. He or she took a leap of faith and told you their deep dark secret. They told you that they have herpes. This was really hard for them so I hope that you give them some credit and acknowledge that it was hard for them.
Here are the top questions youre going to have when dating someone with herpes:
Can you still have sex?
YES, the answer is yes! You can still have a normal and healthy sex life if you or your partner has herpes! And yes, you can do something to prevent prevention. There are so many stories of people whove been together for years and have not yet transmitted it. It really boils down to communication and trusting your partner to disclose to you when they had their last outbreak or if they feel one coming on. Here are 3 ways you can prevent transmission to your partner.
Learn More About Living With Genital Herpes
Worried you might have herpes? Our guide to HSV-1 and HSV-2 covers almost every aspect of living with herpes, from prescription medicine to over-the-counter treatments, the signs and symptoms of the virus, herpes statistics and more.
If youre concerned that you may have caught genital herpes from a partner, be sure to read our guide to the signs and symptoms of genital herpes. And if youre interested in getting tested for herpes, we have you covered there, too.
This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. The information contained herein is not a substitute for and should never be relied upon for professional medical advice. Always talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits of any treatment. Learn more about our editorial standardshere.
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Medically reviewed by Kristin Hall, FNP
Dating with herpes can be a challenging experience. While the virus is very common , finding out that you have herpes can have a significant effect on your self-esteem and interest in meeting new people.
If youve recently found out that you have herpes, or recently found out you might be considering dating someone with HSV-1 or HSV-2, its vital that you stay positive. With the right combination of medication, conversation and understanding, its still very possible to form and maintain normal romantic relationships.
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You Are Not Your Disease
The next trick is not judging yourself. After youve been diagnosed with herpes, it may be difficult to think about anything other than the fact that you have a disease. But thats all it isa disease. It isnt who you are.
One of the toughest things to remember when dating with herpes is that mostly its just dating. Dating is an activity fraught with the potential for drama, pain, and heartbreak for pretty much everyone. Herpes is just one factor in the equation.
With few exceptions, people dont date solely because they want to have sex. They date because they like each other and find each other interesting and attractive. When those other things are true, a herpes diagnosis often doesnt seem like that big a deal.
If you like someone enough, herpes can be just something you have to work with. Just like you have to work with a partners snoring or their affection for mornings.
Can You Spread Herpes Without An Outbreak
Yes. It is possible for a person to spread herpes without an outbreak. As long as the person has a herpes infection, they can spread it even if an outbreak has never occurred.
Fortunately, many people who have a herpes infection never have an outbreak. If an outbreak does occur, visible symptoms such as sores and blisters will show up in the affected area. These symptoms may become visible about two and a half weeks after exposure.
When a person has an initial outbreak, they may experience symptoms such as painful urination and muscle and joint pain.
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Be Upfront Well Before You Have Sex
One of the hardest things about dating with herpes is deciding when to disclose your diagnosis to your partner. Although I generally try not to speak in absolutes, it is always a better idea to do so before you have sex. That way, your partner can make an informed choice about what risks they are and are not comfortable taking.
If you wait to tell your partner that you have herpes until after youve had sex, the revelation may feel like a betrayal. You will have denied them the opportunity to make an informed decision about risk. You may also have implied that your herpes diagnosis is more important than the other things they find attractive about you.
If someone is really interested in you before you tell them you have herpes, they probably will be afterward as well. It just helps to tell them early. That makes it less likely that theyll feel exposed and/or betrayed.
How early? You dont have to do it on the first date. The timing really depends on the people involved. If youre worried about how your partner might react, talk to them about it in a safe place.
You could bring it up over dinner when youre getting near the going home together phase. Or you could have the talk while youre out for a walk, and perhaps a make-out session.
When you do have the talk, its best to be straightforward about it. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Practice Safer Sexual Habits
Whether you are the person with the positive herpes diagnosis or are dating someone who has it, it is possible to still have a safer romantic and sexual relationship. If both are HSV positive, this becomes more of a question of comfort and overall wellbeing. This is one reason why many positive singles seek out people who share their medical status.
Schedule sexual relations around outbreaks, which may only happen two or three times per year. Take doctor prescribed medication to minimize outbreaks. Always keep lines of communication open. When the relationship gets deeper, consider sharing medical information more fully.
Even if you have a casual connection, knowing the other persons STD and herpes status is important. When you have a dating site like PositiveSingles.com on your side, this struggle disappears.
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Should I Tell My Partner That I Have Hsv
Discussing health issues isnt sexy, but it may be necessary. There are a few things to keep in mind when deciding how to talk about HSV-1.
Nearly half of Americans have been exposed to HSV-1 by their 20s. The person youre kissing may have already been in contact with the virus. If you dont have any symptoms, the chance youll spread it by kissing is relatively low, notes Dr. Anthony which is why he wouldnt start off talking about it with someone new.
As intimacy progresses, especially to oral-genital contact, you can give your partner a heads up by saying something like: I had cold sores in the past. I dont have any now. Together, you can make decisions about what you feel comfortable doing based on risk.
Having an active outbreak makes talking about it doubly important since youre much more likely to spread it. Also, having open sores makes you more susceptible to acquiring a sexually transmitted disease like HIV from your partner.
Open and honest communication can help protect you and your partner from catching an illness, says Dr. Anthony.
When Should You Disclose Your Hsv Status
You don’t have to bring up herpes the very first time you talk to someone new, but you should at some point before you have sex or exchange body fluids. “You are more likely to have a positive reception to that news if you have built some sort of relationship. If you tell too early and there’s no reason for this person to be invested in you, then you may get a negative response very quickly,” Warren said.
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Reduce The Risk Sex Will Spread Herpes
One of the things that scares people when theyre thinking about dating with herpes is the risk for potential partners. Theyre concerned about the possibility that they might spread herpes to someone they care about. This is a legitimate concern.
Fortunately, there are ways to reduce the likelihood you will spread herpes during sex. Suppressive therapy, for example, can lower the risk of transmission significantly. Its not just good for reducing the number and severity of outbreaks.
Using condoms consistently, even for oral sex, can also make a big difference in your partners risk. Condoms and dental dams dont just make intercourse safer. They also make it less likely for you to spread herpes from your genitals to their mouth, and vice versa. Practicing safe sex is always a good choice.
Can You Sleep With Someone With Herpes And Not Get It
Yes. Herpes can be passed on even if a partner has no sores or other signs and symptoms of an outbreak. And if a partner has a herpes outbreak, its even more likely to be spread. Even when a person doesnt have visible sores, the only surefire way to protect against getting genital herpes is abstinence.
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How Are Cold Sores Transmitted
Cold sores are typically spread through kissing and oral sex. HSV-1 is transmitted through touching affected skin that contains the virus or secretions, like saliva. HSV-1 can penetrate closed, healthy skin on your lips and genitals since the skin in those areas is very delicate, says Dr. Anthony.
Previously, people thought HSV-1 was limited to the mouth area, and the related strain, HSV-2, was the one to worry about on the genitals. And its true that HSV-1 is usually oral while HSV-2 is typically on genitals. But doctors now know that both types of herpes can infect either location, reports Dr. Anthony.
The bottom line: HSV-1 can make its home in both the oral or genital areas. You can get cold sores from coming into contact with the virus in various ways:
- Mouth-to-mouth.
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What Are The Risks Of Dating Someone With Hsv2
For starters, you could risk missing out on having an amazing person in your life. They could be your best friend, partner in crime, the one who makes you laugh and who is always there for you. You know..THAT one. You could also catch herpes. You can certainly lower the risks but anything short of abstinence will not be 100% effective in preventing it. Many couples have been together for over 10-20 years without one giving it to the other. Just know that it is a possibility.
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Broaching The Topic Of Genital Herpes
The first date after a genital herpes diagnosis may seem a little strange, however. If you hope to be sexually intimate with your date at some point, you may feel like you’re keeping a secret. If you are one to be candid with people, you’ll want to blurt it out. Don’t. There are some things you should reveal about yourself right away — for example, that you’re married, or that you’re just in town for the week — but some things are better left for the appropriate moment.
It’s up to you to decide the right time to tell a date that you have genital herpes. Follow two rules: First, don’t wait until after having sex. Second, don’t wait until you’re just about to have sex — in which case the attraction may be too strong for either of you to think rationally and act responsibly.
If in the past you tended to start a new relationship with sex, you now might want to change your approach. It might be better to break the news about herpes to someone who has already grown attached to you. Kissing, cuddling, and fondling are safe, so you don’t have to tell before you do that. But use your best judgment as to how physically intimate you want to get before telling. One thing could lead to another, and you might find yourself in an awkward situation.
Your Dating Life Is Not Over
If youve recently found out that you have genital herpes, its easy to assume that your dating life is over.
This is a normal, common reaction. Finding out you have a sexually transmitted infection isnt an enjoyable experience, and its completely normal to assume that catching herpes will mean the end of your sexual and romantic life.
The reality, however, is that genital herpes isnt as big of a deal as you think.
First, genital herpes doesnt affect everyone the same way. Many people with genital HSV-1 or HSV-2 have are asymptomatic, or exhibit very mild symptoms that are either mistaken for other skin conditions or go completely unnoticed. Other people only occasionally deal with outbreaks, and some people can get several outbreaks a year.
Our guide to what you can expect from your herpes outbreak frequency goes through every question you might have about it.
Second, even if you do experience herpes outbreaks, try to remember that theyre temporary. Herpes outbreaks can happen frequently or infrequently, depending on the type of virus you have, your immune system and other factors every person is different.
However, the physical symptoms of a herpes outbreak dont stick around for long. Usually, your body will repel the virus and heal within two to three weeks, giving you months in between each outbreak for you to enjoy a normal dating life.
For more information on this, we have a guide to When is it Safe to Kiss Someone After a Cold Sore?
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