Choose The Right Times / Place To Bring Up This Topic
Some of the more inappropriate moments include the crowded bar or party scene, travel en route to a romantic weekend, or a talk when youve just finished having sex. Talking just prior to love-making is not a good idea either.
Bring up the issue when you are not already in the mood for sexual intimacy, when youre feeling good about yourself, and when you both have an opportunity to have a discussion.
The discussion could take place anywhere you feel safe and comfortable. Some people turn off the TV, take the phone offthe hook, and broach the subject over a quiet dinner at home. Others prefer a more open place, like walking in the park, so that their partner will feel free to go home afterwards to mull things over. This allows both people to work off a little nervous energy at the same time.
Preparing To Talk To Partner
Before you talk about herpes and sexual health with a partner, make sure you are prepared to address any misinformation or misconceptions he or she might have. How well informed are you? Do you know the basic steps to reduce the risk to your partner? Do you know the facts about herpes? You want to feel confident and knowledgeable before you can explain the infection to someone else. Be prepared with information from ASHA and other reliable sources.
Tips For Disclosing Prior Or During Sexual Activity
So what if your connection with someone has taken on a life of its own and you are now, somehow, in bed with your partnerand you havent disclosed yet? This isnt supposed to happen, you think to yourself.
While its not how we should discuss our sexual health in an ideal world, it is a reality for many folks. Youre afraid. You wait too long. You get carried away. Lips are kissed, buttons are undone, and you know the rest.
“The truth of the matter is, we can never really predict exactly how a person will react. “
As difficult as it may be, try to take a deep breath and remove yourself from the immediate situation. Maybe that means taking a trip to the bathroom or going to grab a glass of water. Now youre in a position, whether youre comfortable or not, to tell your partner why you removed yourself from the interaction. It wasnt their breath, or the way they were moving. It was what you neglected to tell them for consent to occur. Honesty is especially key in these moments if you want the chance to build trust.
Take a calming breath, and say something like, It wasnt anything that you were doing. Its what I didnt do. I have genital herpes, and I was too afraid to tell you. Im not having an outbreak, but theres still a chance you could contract it, even though it’s pretty low. Then you can offer information about your specific STI, how you both can take steps to reduce the risk of transmission, how to get tested, and symptoms to watch for.
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Why Isnt A Blood Test Recommended For Herpes
Whilst you cant get rid of the virus, herpes is treatable.
Most herpes episodes last three to seven days. Antiviral medication is available on prescription from a doctor to help prevent or shorten these episodes. These tablets should be taken within the first three days of the symptoms appearing for best effect.
Local treatments may also help.
- salt baths, this may help if your genital area is painful
- aspirin, ibuprofen or paracetamol to help relieve pain
- acyclovir creams, like Zovirax, which can be used on cold sores as soon as they appear
- topical anaesthetics such as lignocaine
- passing urine in a warm bath, if urinating is painful
- applying ice to the infected area to help relieve pain
In addition, you can:
- wear cotton underwear and loose-fitting clothing to increase comfort and help healing
- drink plenty of water so the urine is diluted and doesnt sting when it contacts the genital sores
- rest to help recovery
Suppressive treatment is when you take a tablet every day to prevent episodes and this is usually used by people who have multiple episodes a year.
Case #3 Were Both Having Our First Herpes Outbreak Who Is The Culprit
A 29-year-old woman, Alexis, came in with a genital rash that was tested for HSV-2 with a swab the results came back positive.
This is her first outbreak and sheâs very concerned.
A few days later, she came back to the office with her boyfriend, Eduardo, who has a penile rash. He tested positive for the same type of herpes.
They started arguing and accusing each other of cheating.
Hereâs what both Eduardo and Alexis said:
- Theyâve been tested after each partner
- The results of their âcompleteâ STD testing have been negative in the past
- This is the first time theyâve had an outbreak like this
They want to know who gave it to whom.
We tested both Eduardo and Alexis with a herpes IgG blood test, and only Eduardoâs result was positive.
This complicated the issue even more since Alexis had visible symptoms first.
Eduardo got herpes from someone else and passed the infection to Alexis, even though Alexis showed symptoms first.
Dr. Fâs Explanation
- Herpes swab vs. blood test
- Both Alexisâs and Eduardoâs swab tests were positive but only Eduardoâs blood test was positive. The swab test confirms only that a visible lesion is a herpes lesion.
- A blood test tests the bodyâs reaction to the virus and can take from two weeks to three months to be positive.
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Meet Nearby People With Herpes
PositiveSingles is the largest online dating and support community for people with herpes. Online since 2001, it has the largest user base among all the STD dating sites and APPs. You will find out there are plenty of people around you.
Thank you Positive Singles for providing me the avenue to meet my life long Soul Mate, the Love of my Life. It has been a wonderful year since we met and I am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with Lisa.
It started as a long distance relationship for 6 months but after that we moved in together. Wishing the same for everyone else searching for their mate.
How Long Should You Know Someone Before You Tell Them
If it appears the two of you could end up in bed on the first date, thats probably a good time.Ideally, though, its best to give it a few dates before telling.
Allow the relationship to develop a little. Its going to be easier if the two of you enjoy a degree of comfort and trust in each others company. Its probably better to wait until you knowand trust each other.
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Reasons Why Its Important To Tell Your Lover
Since we just dug deep and went into reasons why we didnt tell our partner we have herpes. I now want to discuss why its important to tell your lover. As you know, for me honesty is super important. Maybe this is the start of your relationship, starting off with a huge secret can be like waking up on the wrong side of the bed. Also, if you keep one secret then its easier to keep more secrets and then pretty soon its a house of cards. I know Im getting pretty deep here, but put yourself in their shoes. Wouldnt you want to know? On a positive note, talking to your partner can help prevent passing it to him or her. This can be great news! The idea of out of sight out of mind doesnt really help when it comes to preventing the transmission of herpes. In fact, its just the opposite. The more often the two of you can talk about it the better chance you have of protecting them from it. Again, put yourself in their shoes.
Do Your Research And Share Your Knowledge
Although we sometimes assume that people are educated about issues such as STIs, many individuals are not aware of the signs, symptoms, transmissibility, and long-term medical consequences of STIs. So, if you have an STI, be prepared to cover the basic points in a direct, honest way. Some people find that having a printout about the STI is helpful in the event a new partner might find additional information reassuring.
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No One Should Feel Shame For Having A Viral Infection
Having herpes really just means you have a viral infection. Thanks to stigma some people experience a sense of shame with their diagnosis. Although its easy to say just get over it, whats important to remember is that people with herpes can and should live their lives in the way that want, have relationships, have sex and experience intimacy.
How Does Herpes Spread
It also helps to know a little about how HSV works when you talk to a partner about the infection. Getting the details from your doctor first may be helpful, says Dr. Baldwin, because theres no doubt that HSV can be confusing. For starters, there are two types of the virus: HSV-1 and HSV-2.
HSV-1 typically causes oral herpes, known for those trademark cold sores, while HSV-2 is usually to blame for genital herpes sores. However, over the past few decades there has been an increase in HSV-1which usually causes oral symptomscausing genital herpes, explains Dr. Baldwin. Genital herpes that come from HSV-1 are typically passed through oral sexa good reason to divulge that you have oral herpes, if you do.
Both types of herpes can be passed on when there are active sores and, less frequently, even when there are no symptoms. Some important information to share would be whether or not you have frequent outbreaks, which is the highest risk time for transmission, says Dr. Baldwin. Lay off the sexual activity during an outbreak, as well as whenever you have the pain or tingling that signal an outbreak is coming, she says.
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How Will My Healthcare Provider Know If I Have Genital Herpes
Your healthcare provider may diagnose genital herpes by simply looking at any sores that are present. Providers can also take a sample from the sore and test it. If sores are not present, a blood test may be used to look for HSV antibodies.
Have an honest and open talk with your healthcare provider about herpes testing and other STDs.
Please note: A herpes blood test can help determine if you have herpes infection. It cannot tell you who gave you the infection or when you got the infection.
How Is Genital Herpes Treated
There is no cure for genital herpes. However, there are several effective treatment options that aim to:
- ease symptoms
- reduce the number of recurrences
- reduce the chance of passing on HSV.
Treatment options include:
- lignocaine cream .
Treatment can be taken either:
- when a person has symptoms, to reduce symptoms and prevent the virus from multiplying, or
- every day to suppress the virus, reduce the number of recurrences and reduce the chance of passing on HSV. This is called suppressive treatment.
If you have symptoms and your doctor or nurse thinks they are most likely to be caused by HSV, you may be offered treatment before your test results come back.
It is recommended you avoid sexual contact or use barrier protection while you have sores, as this is when genital herpes is most contagious.
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Example Disclosure Of Diagnosis
I like how things are going in our relationship, and Im hoping well end up in bed sometime soon. Before we do, I wanted to let you know that I have genital herpes. I take suppressive therapy and havent had an outbreak in a while, so the risk of passing it to you is low.
Still, its not zero, so I wanted you to have a chance to think about it before we get intimate. You dont need to respond right now. When, and if, youre ready, Im happy to talk with you more or to just send you some information.
Is It Safe To Take The Treatment For A Long Time
Aciclovir has been reported to cause no serious side-effects, even after years of use. A few people taking suppressive therapy do experience minor side-effects such as a headache, nausea and diarrhoea. If you have a problem, discuss this with your doctor.
Research to date shows that people with normal immune systems who are on oral antivirals for a long period do not develop virus resistance or clinical breakthrough. Also, there is little interaction with other drugs, e.g. the contraceptive pill is unaffected by Aciclovir.
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How To Tell Your Partner You Have Herpes
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Telling your partner that you have genital herpes is a hard conversation to have. But its important to talk about this STI to practice safe sex and maintain the trust in your relationship. Genital herpes is a virus that is caused by the herpes simplex virus-2 or the herpes simplex virus-1 , the virus responsible for cold sores.XTrustworthy SourceCleveland ClinicEducational website from one of the world’s leading hospitalsGo to source But with the right precautions, its possible to manage your herpes and still be intimate with your partner.
Let Your Partner Think Before Making A Decision
People can react differently to hearing that you have genital herpes. Sometimes, you might be surprised to discover that the person youre coming out to also has herpes, and was dreading the prospect of sharing their status with you.
Sometimes, your partner might be well informed about herpes and willing to take a test to check if they also have the virus before having a relationship. Some people might simply not care and feel comfortable having a relationship with you even knowing about your HSV-2 status.
On the other hand, some people even people who might have been highly interested in you might not feel comfortable having a sexual or romantic relationship after finding out about your genital herpes. The reasons can differ, but for many people, any STD is a hard no.
The key point here is that you cant expect everyone to react the same way. One way to make it easier for your partner is to give them time. Suggest that they take a day or two to think about it before contacting you to see how they feel.
If someone is seriously interested in you, they might want to take a day or two to research the facts about herpes before giving you a yes. Or, they could just need an hour to double-check the data before inviting you back over for a cup of coffee.
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What Is Suppressive Therapy
Suppressive therapy involves taking an oral antiviral drug every day for prolonged periods. It interferes with the herpes virus reproductive cycle and so prevents or dramatically reduces the number of recurrences. When recurrences do occur, they are usually less severe and shorter lasting.
If you find the frequency of your outbreaks unacceptable, or if you are finding it difficult to cope emotionally with having recurrences of genital herpes, tell your doctor and discuss the use of suppressive therapy.
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How Can I Lower My Risk Of Getting Stis And Bbvs
You can lower your risk of getting STIs and BBVs by using barrier protection correctly during any type of sex and when sharing sex toys.
Barrier protection is not 100% effective at preventing STIs and BBVs.
You can also lower your risk of getting a BBV by:
- not sharing injecting equipment, razors, nail clippers
- only getting tattoos and piercing in regulated places
- talking to your doctor or nurse about HIV pre-exposure prophylaxis and post-exposure prophylaxis if you are at risk of HIV exposure.
You can also lower your risk of getting an STI or BBV by both you and your sexual partners having regular STI and BBV testing.To get an STI or BBV test at Sexual Health Victoria, see our clinics or you can book an appointment online.
Where to get moreinformation and support
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Choose Right Time And Right Place To Talk About Your Herpes
Choosing right time and place is also necessary to make your partner accept the truth. When your partner is busy or in low mood, do not tell him or her. If you tell him or her in a not right situation, your partner may misunderstand you.
Choose the right situation, like relaxing place, just the two of you, where there is no one can disturb both of you. Choose a place like, a quiet room or a park. If you tell your partner your herpes after having sex, or when your clothes are already off. it could make your partner really angry.
Make your conversation naturally which will seem less like a bombshell and more like any other development in your life. For example, you can say, my doctor called me yesterday with some test results, and said I have herpes.
If you know how to tell your partner about your herpes wisely, you may still can save your relationship. But if you know you have herpes and still keep single, you can find a partner with herpes too. The best way to find a herpes partner is choosing a safe herpes dating site. As it known, it is exactly difficult for people with herpes to find a partner with herpes too. After all, nobody wants to tell strangers they have herpes.
Check the safe and popular herpes dating site: Meet People With Herpes and find your partner with herpes now.